It’s Saturday morning which means it’s laundry day, because there becomes a day in your week where you have to do your laundry or you just decide to smell for the coming week. There also comes a point when I have to have sex because I want it, but then I end up feeling ashamed with myself for not exercising patience when it comes to love.
I slept with someone Monday night and they haven’t called yet. Should I call first? Should I be concerned? Though just to be clear the date should be classified as a one night stand.
We’ve all been here, haven’t we? Your fingers hovering above the number in your contacts list, wondering how you can call and make it sound ever so casual. I once called someone and when she answered I pretended I had dialled her by accident (a subtle and cunning plan). So was then all, “Oh! I must have butt dialled you!”, thereby achieving the amazing double feat of making her think of my bum and forcing her to speak to me. It really is astonishing I’m still single.
The thing to remember, is that you don’t actually want to call this person. You want them to call you, which is pretty much the opposite of you calling them. You know all this. You know this, don’t you?
But is casual sex bad for you? Casual sex or one-night stands: whatever you call it, more than half of us will have sex with someone we barely know or don’t expect to date in the future. We’re most likely to do this at college or uni. Sex within relationships is said to improve cardiovascular health, reduce depression and boost immunity, but social science research has often linked casual encounters to feelings of sexual regret, low self-esteem and psychological distress, especially among women. Studies show that while men regret the sexual opportunities they missed, women often regret some of the casual sex they did have. These regrets focusing on shame and self-blame.
Some factors associated with this increased risk of feeling bad afterwards are – having sex with someone you have known for less than 24 hours, drinking heavily or taking drugs beforehand, feeling you ought to rather than you want to, and hoping for a relationship afterwards.
That said, I’ve got girlfriends whose every relationship began as a one-off. But it just isn’t a good basis for anything long-term. If sex was what kept relationships glued together, we’d be lucky to be still coupled up after three months, let alone three years. Sex is something you learn how to do with someone who’s worth the effort. Not another form of aerobics to be squeezed in between gym and your yoga class. If you’re going to go for sex first, introductions later, you’ve got to be sure you’re a really great lover for starters. I mean, most of us get away with our performance because the person beside us really likes us. On a one-night stand you’ve got one shot at proving you’re a bobcat in the sack. So, does your partner. That kind of pressure and responsibility can’t be good for anyone. It’s not like you can roll over afterwards and say, ‘Normally I’m really good at that.’ Who’s going to believe a virtual stranger who didn’t have the self-restraint to wait for a date?
I think I should know by now that casual sex is not like making decisions about your laundry.